I was teaching guitar lessons
at a mom and pop music shop
when Jack and his pop came in.
He wanted to play classic rock,
which was what I was weaned on,
so I got him into Wolf Marshall’s
Basics 1 book and before too long
he was playing “Sympathy for the
Devil” and “Jumping Jack Flash,”
etc. though he seemed a bit slow
in some ways and clearly preferred
playing Dungeons and Dragons with
a collection of nerds on the net to
practicing his minor pentatonic scales.
All in all, he was an ok kid, though his
progress was glacial, I liked his musical
taste because he smiled when I
demonstrated this or that piece or let
loose with some licks. One day he came
in ranting about what someone had said
about something Bill Gates had said, and
Though I soon steered his attention to
musical matters at hand, it struck me as
Strange that he should defend old Gates
with such vehemence, but I chalked it up
to honor among nerds. Well, it was the
year of COVID, and before long Jack
developed a nasty habit of sneezing in
that tiny lesson room, which in itself was
ok, except for the fact that he never
Covered his mouth and one sneeze hit me
across the face like a splash. I presented
him with one of the clear face shields the
owner of the place handed out, but Jack
always managed to take it off in the
middle of the lesson, sneeze up the place,
then saunter into the lesson room the very
next week like nothing had happened.
Long story short, I ended up calling
his mom and explained the matter in
a message. With much finesse, I said
that he was a great kid but might be
allergic to the cat hair on my clothes, etc.
and suggested he try one of the other
teachers. And while it wasn’t a “gas gas
gas” to have to fire him like that, at least
I’m one nerd less likely now to get another
splash of spit across my face.
— fyodor bukowski
Musings, Mutterings, and Condemnations 