I sometimes chance upon a
video so ludicrous that it makes
me smile. Once involves a certain
Hollywood actor famous for playing
a pirate based on the mannerisms of
Keith Richards. I don’t watch films, but
that’s all well and good. I understand
his character brings great joy to young
and old. But to see him barely playing
guitar while costumed like a reject from
a Guns n Roses cover band and sharing
the stage with Jeff Beck no less is a
bit much, especially for a guy like me who takes
shots of Pepto-Bismol to get through
tbe day. Keith Richards
gave everything he had to his music
and that’s why he’s still legit up there
while guys like Johnny just don’t deserve
that stage. Is Jeff Beck so starved for
attention? Does he think he might get
Sloppy seconds on some of Johnny’s
teenaged fans? I smile as I think of all
the starving and talented guitarists out there
Who could be saved by playing with Jeff.
Then I find that Johnny’s talents extend
to the world of painting and who knows
what else. It’s gratifying to know that
That his paintings sell while Van Gogh
died unrecognized. Of course, the moronic
Will attribute all this to envy and hate,
But I don’t begrudge the man his acting
Accolades or his wealth. In fact,
I googled “Johnny Depp animal rights” in
The hopes of finding some nugget about
Wonderful things he’s done for animals,
But what came up was an allegation
From his ex that he dangled their dog
Out a car window and threatened to put
It in a microwave. Hollywood Vampire
And cartoony Keith Richards knock off
Pirate, man of myriad talents and owner of
one
Hell of a greasy self satisfied smirk, I
Salute you, American hero, Johnny Depp.
— Fyodor Bukowski
Musings, Mutterings, and Condemnations 